The oath of Software Engineers
Saturday, June 14th, 2008- Never write code someone else can understand.
- Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counter intuitive names. Don’t ever code “a=b”, rather do something like: AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
- Type fast, think slow.
- Never use direct references. Bury everything in macros. Bury macros in include files. Reference those include files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference those include files.
- Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your code. If they understand it, they don’t need you.
- Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary in the world should be generated from the same sources.
- Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always hide on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don’t need you.
- Never code a function to return a value. All functions must return a pointer to a structure which contains a pointer to a value.
- Always speak in abstract. If they understand, they don’t need you.
- Never complete a project on time.
- When someone stops by your office to ask a question, talk forever.
- Load all sentences either written or spoken with alphabet soup. When someone asks you out to lunch, reply:
“I can’t because I’ve almost got my RISC-based OSI/TCP/IP client connected by BIBUS VMS VAX using SMTP over TCP sending SNMP inquiry results to be encapsulated in UDP packets for transmission to a SUN 4/280 NFS 4.3 BSD with release 3.6 of RPC/XDR supporting our ONC effort working.”
- Never throw away an old listing.
- Never address someone by name.
- Always maintain the mystique of being spaced out from concentrating on complex logic.
- Never wear a shirt that matches your pants. Wear a wrinkled shirt whenever possible. Your shirt must never be tucked in completely. Button the top button without wearing a tie.